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Thursday, March 28, 2024

In Which I Have Ghostbuster Ideas – Chuck Wendig: Terribleminds


It is a foolish submit and no person ought to care about it, least of all me, however typically issues enter my head and knock round like a poltergeist as an alternative of merely passing on by way of. And the one technique to, nicely, exorcise these ideas is to purge them one way or the other.

Thank the gods I’ve This Previous Factor, this —

*lifts up web site, squints on the phrase etched into its beneath*

— this weblog.

I’ve Ghostbusters ideas.

I imply, actually, they’re story ideas, largely, but it surely comes through the conduit of the latest Ghostbusters flick, and ostensibly, all of the Ghostbuster flicks earlier than them.

[note, below contains some mild spoilers, though honestly nothing I didn’t already know going into the movie, but please stay frosty]

[get it, frosty]

[because frozen empire]

[whatever]

I noticed the brand new Ghostbusters film, which is actually the previous Ghostbusters film, in that there are Ghostbusters who stay in a decrepit NYC firehouse combating ghosts with hand-held nuclear weapons, and there’s some sort of historic ghost god, and there’s additionally animated stone monument, and there’s marshmallow folks, and there’s a coming apocalypse, and there’s ghosts getting free from the ghost containment unit, and there’s a Keymaster man besides it’s fireplace and never portals, and there’s actually the identical dickless man making an attempt to close them down, aaaaaand it’s barely even a remix of the primary film and truthfully, it’s fantastic. It’s aggressively fantastic. Once more, your mileage might completely fluctuate right here however, I had fun, not a good time, and it left minimal impression upon me, merely sliding off my mind like a fried egg off a non-stick pan. The jokes solely half-landed. The motion was typically thrilling, typically enervating. It was fantastic. It was a film that occurred and that I noticed. Just about… the tip.

(Particular word should go towards the very fact the most effective folks within the film are the stand-up comedians: Patton Oswalt, Kumail Nanjiani, James Acaster.)

That mentioned, it did make me Assume Some Issues about storytelling on this present period, and I believed, what higher use for this raggedy previous weblog than to opine fruitlessly upon these issues.

The very first thing, and arguably the largest factor, is that I believe nostalgia is a poison. It’s a pleasant poison! A candy poison. Like a sugary tiki drink. The sugar isn’t good for you, the alcohol isn’t good for you, and it makes you’re feeling good for a time whereas it’s making an attempt (and doubtless failing until you drank 20) to kill you. It’s there for the sluggish loss of life, the lengthy con.

I believe nostalgia just isn’t nice as a result of usually it depends on some probably incorrect or a minimum of incomplete, hazy veneer, rose-tinted glasses view of issues that might merely be higher off if we merely shut it in a drawer. You’ll be able to pull it out of the drawer every so often to take a look at it — okay, completely fantastic! However pack it away. It’s carried out. Transfer on. Nostalgia is about reminiscence, about remembering — it ought to be passive, not energetic.

Downside is, capitalism has weaponized nostalgia. (Politics has, as nicely. I imply, MAGA? C’mon.) When it comes to storytelling, although, capitalism gladly slithers along with nostalgia, the 2 coupling wetly, coming out their half-formed story infants. It doesn’t preserve the nostalgia in a drawer. It refuses to let a factor merely be what it was, a reminiscence of “higher” instances — no no, it have to be pulled again out, waved round, given a brand new paint job, and naturally, given a price ticket. Nostalgia isn’t simply nostalgia, now. Nostalgia is a product, a service, a gland you possibly can stroke and milk for that superb hit of nostalgia juice, all at a premium worth. And after I say this, I clearly am making it sound like a Very Unhealthy Factor, however on the identical time…

You recognize, I’m a sucker for it, too. I went to see the Ghostbusters film. I gave them cash, regardless that it was like, 4 thousand {dollars} to see the factor on IMAX and endure 12 (!) minutes of non-movie commercials and 12 (!) extra minutes of trailers earlier than a film truly began. And it’s not even all the time all unhealthy! Dune and Dune 2 aren’t actually counting on nostalgia, per se, however are nonetheless each… rehashes of books and films and miniseries that got here earlier than. The brand new Alien film, Romulus, appears prefer it’s going to scare absolutely the piss out of me, and I look ahead to that. Barbie was nice, and I noticed it, and but, it’s based mostly on a toy and exists partly as a result of it’s making an attempt to capitalize in your nostalgia and data about that toy. Am I going to see the brand new Godzilla Kong film, regardless that there was infinite iterations of every and it’s most likely not even going to be nice? I imply, I suppose? A part of me would virtually relatively not at this level? However… ennh?

(Word: haven’t seen Godzilla Minus One but, however completely need to, actually unhealthy. Heard it’s nice. Nostalgia or not. Shut up.)

That is such a basic-ass plebian cry, I do know, however it could be nice if we obtained one thing new for as soon as. Simply totally new! It may be a remix of stuff, it may be impressed by different issues, however quite a lot of the fabric we proceed to reiterate was truly new as soon as, and the way nice is that? And right here is the place somebody accurately notes that we are getting new issues, smaller motion pictures like Love Lies Bleeding (which is seemingly nice, and perhaps even revolutionary, and I’ll see it quickly as I’m ready), and sure, completely, and we should always endeavor to see these motion pictures and inform everybody about them.

However I’m speaking like, popular culture geek nerd shit, sci-fi stuff, fantasy stuff, motion stuff. (Word, I’m not together with horror in right here, as a result of rattling, horror truly appears to go for it as typically as not.) Right here somebody will certainly word that there are motion pictures out on streaming that undoubtedly break this cycle and do new issues however… I want they have been stickier, and general, higher?

Like, Marvel managed to hurry up the nostalgic human centipede cycle, proper? It made us really feel nostalgia for shit we simply noticed. Like, “whoa, a Captain America cameo on this film, I’m keen on him and missed him for these fifteen minutes when he was not on my display screen.” The machine retains churning and pushing the content material so quick that I believe it’s why we’re burning out on Marvel and, probably, superhero shit normally. You don’t even have time to digest the one factor earlier than it’s cramming extra into your open maw.

All proper, I’m even boring myself with this take. I’d simply like to have some new shit is all. TV is a fairly good place to search out the brand new shit, to be honest, in order that’s nice. As are books! Yay books! We like books! Extra books for the e-book god! However I simply really feel like all the large motion pictures my child’s gonna develop up with are… actually simply the identical shit I grew up with, aggressively rebranded (however not an excessive amount of) and aggressively marketed and handled prefer it’s mythology and folklore relatively than simply, y’know, capitalism at work, filling up all of the empty areas on the field workplace with the subsequent Godzilla John Wick Spider-Man Villain Mad Max Spinoff Beetlejuice Ape Kingdom Garfield Crowfield Beverly Hills Quiet Place Despicable Deadpool Star Wars ahhhhhhhHHHHHh.

Ahhhh.

Ahh.

Yeah.

Anyway.

It’s fantastic, simply ignore the Previous Man Yelling At Nostalgia. I’m even boring myself at this level.

Okay, what else?

(extra spoilers inbound, BIG ONES THIS TIME, fyi)

(no for actual)

(spoiler spoiler spoilers)

a) in Ghostbusters why are there bizarre non-human ghosts, like there are dragons and bizarre gremlin issues and shit, however then there are additionally very human-looking ghosts, they by no means take time to clarify any of this wtf

b) I ponder if the brand new film is ready one way or the other in an alternate timeline the place the town pays them to be ghostbusters, as a result of no person is paying them however they’re not ravenous to loss of life, and NYC is significantly fucking costly, and but they appear in a position to comply with their bliss of *checks notes* destroying half the town to entice largely innocent ghosts

c) as you develop up you notice that the man who needs to close them down is completely proper, what the fuck are these unregulated spectral janitors doing, cease fucking round with GHOSTS and cramming them into that BOX, sure clearly that is very unhealthy, a baby may inform you that is unhealthy, what the shit, will we hate authorities that a lot that we actually don’t need somebody to control the dudes with moveable nuclear weapons taking pictures lasers at wraiths

d) pay attention did that film completely simply queerbait everybody, like, there was a romance between Phoebe and the pyro ghost woman, proper, that they simply determined to lean away from as an alternative of into? that was a factor, proper?

e) you understand how Carrie Fisher was once quietly famend for “punching up” scripts that wanted it? this flick wanted Carrie Fisher rill unhealthy

f) you noticed all the large stuff within the preview

g) I appreciated Afterlife quite a bit and located it extra filmic, whereas this felt extra like… TV, if that makes any sense?

i) why am I nonetheless speaking about ghostbusters?

h) technically h comes earlier than i, oops

j) I may’ve used some frozen empire in my Frozen Empire

okay) the Monster Villain is cool trying however actually has no motivation past Monster Villain, there’s simply nothing there, absolute zero

l) the film wastes so a lot of its characters, chief amongst them Fortunate, performed by Celeste O’Connor, she’s simply… she’s only a tokenized non-entity?

m) the villain’s whole plan depends on Phoebe utilizing a tool that isn’t meant for people that looks like it may harm her and that no person is aware of may work on folks so it’s a type of bizarre villain plans that’s primarily unattainable and not using a sequence of intense coincidences paired with completely inane character selections

n) I could also be speaking myself into disliking this film, oh shit

o) fast fast uhhh some issues I appreciated: liked the man’s hand breaking off and nonetheless turning the phonograph deal with; liked Zeddemore getting some prime time; liked the kind of Institute-level model of the Ghostbusters; McKenna Grace is admittedly nice in it; appreciated Hearth Woman although once more why are some ghosts Hearth Woman and a few are Slimer and a few are uhhh a sewer dragon; the Gary-Referred to as-Dad beat was the one emotional beat within the film that hit me like a fist to my coronary heart; when the film will get actually bizarre it actually works, just like the weirder it chooses to be, the higher it turns into; truly, Ray’s emotional beats kinda work too, like that is what the dude loves and he’s all in, which makes me assume he most likely ought to’ve been a personality who sacrifices himself for this job as a result of truthfully, that’s how Ray must exit; additionally I’d watch an entire film about Nadeem’s grandmother

p) oh my god why am I nonetheless penning this submit

q) oh my god why are you continue to studying this submit

r) am I the one one who must recite the complete alphabet to recollect what order the letters are in, don’t reply this, I’ll simply faux you all do it and I’m not a weirdo

342) fuck it I’m switching to numbers

343) okay I do know it’s based mostly on pre-existing materials, however FALL GUY appears like quite a lot of enjoyable, and there’s nothing improper with enjoyable, oh and no, this has nothing to do with Ghostbusters, I’m sorry

344) why are the mini-puft marshmallows

345) does trevor even do something within the film

346) you guys do not forget that time Ray obtained oral intercourse from a ghost, what the fuck was that shit

347) I’m going to cease now earlier than I am going mad, anyway, the film is okay, nostalgia is bizarre, tales are onerous, quite a lot of scripts may use a healthy dose of punching up by gifted puncher-uppers, and I’m drained now

666) purchase my books please or I die, the tip





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